The Portal

  

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Lost and Found

  

My dreams have been put on a shelf… Not lovingly, but haphazardly.

They will collect dust for a time, and when I go to look for them again, they will have disappeared and I will wonder…

Did I get rid of them? Surely they are not the sort of thing I would give away?

I will write them off as lost for good and go on feeding the needs of those around me.

Then, one day when I am old, gray, and feeble – they will turn up in an old, unlabeled box. 

I will smile at the memories of such young dreams and breathe my way through the sadness over the unrealized passions as I had all my life.

Lullaby Blanket

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Over the past several years, I have made many baby blankets, but my favorite pattern thus far is The Lullaby Blanket.

It comes together fairly quickly, the pattern has three size options, and if you play with colorways – the possibilities are endless!

I love the texture of the crochet stitch pattern, and the grounded edges with your standard half-double crochet stitches.

The baby blanket pattern size ( 30 x 36 inches) is generous, which gives a child plenty of room to grow with it.

For the one in the first photo, I used Caron One Pound yarn in Sunflower for the bulk of the blanket, with Bernat Super Value yarn in Dark Grey for the last two rows of trim on the outside.

I created a little knitted owl toy to match, and I hope to write that pattern soon for the public. But since I made it on the fly, I want to test my pattern at least once more before posting the pattern on here for you, to make sure there are consistent results.

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For the Lullaby Blanket above, I used Caron One Pound yarn in Soft Grey Mix.

I plan to use this pattern several times over – including full sized throw blankets for my own home and as gifts for others. While I prefer to use more natural fiber yarns such as wool, linen, and cotton, crocheting (and crocheting blankets especially) can often use a LOT of yarn – more so than knitting. And since I am always giving these as gifts or for personal use rather than selling them, I don’t have the luxury of purchasing more expensive natural fiber yarns for projects such as these.

Even with acrylic yarn, these blankets are soft, gorgeous, and a lovely addition to any nursery.

What projects have you been working on lately? Do you prefer to create gifts, or to indulge in projects for yourself?

Life and Death

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Life and Death were taken from me.

When Life was taken – I was alone.

The world seemed to grow silent,

And everything looked fuzzy – as if I were only an observer looking through a filthy camera lens.

“We’re sorry for your loss.”

I wonder how many times they’ve said that to a woman half-reclined with a thin sheet draped over her bare legs and cold gel sticking to her inner thighs.

I could not help but look down in disbelief at the abdomen that would not be expanding any time soon.

Life was taken from me.

When Death was taken, I was at the hospital. The very same hospital in which I gave life two years prior, only now it was stained with the sterilized stench of Death.

I tried to smile when the nurse joked that the hospital-issue treaded socks covered an entire half of my petite legs.

I tried to reassure the well-meaning women who accompanied me that I was ok – when I really wanted to cry and scream and tell them they were poor substitutes for the husband who simply couldn’t be there to hold me during the taking of Death.

I was relieved when I fell asleep – only to wake up to a devastation that escaped audibly and uncontrollably from my throat.

Why did they have to see me cry?

Death was taken from me.

For long afterward, I would often reach down and touch the place that created and housed both Life and Death.

A new normality nestled itself against my existence.

Yet I still grieve the Death that took precious Life from me. 

Storytime

With so much in our daily lives that is ever-changing, one thing I do try to keep consistent is beginning each school day with storytime. The three of us sit together on the sofa or on the porch, reading various types of stories together.

Some of our favorite things to read are:

These are just a few selections that we return to time and again, but we love to read a plethora of different fiction stories, or books on history and science as well.

We evolved as Storytellers. A good story, whether true or make-believe, speaks to the inner reaches of our spirits.

“Story telling is the most ancient form of education. It is about the remembering, making, and sharing of images that bind together time, nature, and people. Stories, like the sacred plants, are medicine and food come from the Earth. They remind us that we do not stand alone. Through them we live in the body of coyote and crow, tree and stone… In this way, we confirm our relationship with all of creation.”

Joan Halifax

There is hardly any other experience when I feel so close and in tune with my kids than when we are cuddled and sharing stories. I hope it is one of those things in their education they look back upon and cherish.