Sometimes…

**This is an archived blog post from August 2, 2012**

I’m going to be completely honest… Sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing. By homeschooling, I mean.

It’s just after 10 in the morning, and we were only a couple minutes into our first lesson of the day (Math), and already J.J. is sitting a time-out. And it was a struggle to get him there.

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Sometimes I wonder if homeschooling is what is best for J.J. I know we are only in our second week (of our second year of homeschooling), and I (to an extent) expected these fights…these battles of the wills. He and I are both stubborn and expect things to be a certain way, and our expectations are often at odds.

Sometimes I understand his struggles and why he fights against what I expect of him. Sometimes it is tough…I get that. He needs to accept that not everything is going to come easy to him. He is used to being able to easily memorize things and recite them, but when it comes to actually doing…that can be unsettling for him.

Sometimes I don’t understand why he fights. “Pick a color [pencil] to write with.” Why is that so hard? Maybe it is simply what he does not want to do at that moment, so he moans and groans instead. Maybe he realizes that once he chooses his colored pencil he will be expected to write or draw or solve math problems… I don’t know. All I know is that it is extremely frustrating and brings into question everything I am doing…everything I am working my ass off to achieve with and for him. No amount of yoga or chamomile tea can stifle my frustration at times.

So yes, sometimes I question why I am doing this. Yet when I think of the alternative…Public School…I know that I am doing what is best…for J.J. Just because it is not easy (for either of us) at times does not mean it is not what is right. Maybe, sometimes, it is rightbecause it is difficult.

In any case, he is now calm and it is time to reconcile.

Then…back to work.

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